


let the storm rage on

by lumineres



Series: something great [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 03:23:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumineres/pseuds/lumineres
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Louis gets frequent panic attacks. Kissing stops his panic attacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let the storm rage on

**Author's Note:**

> hullo!!! this was only a hurt/comfort and sad!louis practice bc im writing a much longer fic with those elements but i just ended up really liking it so here it is!  
> note!!! if u see someone having a panic attack, don't just kiss them! it doesnt work for every body  
> title from Let It Go from the Frozen soundtrack bc im a loser and i've had it on repeat all day  
> betaed by the lovely [Erin](louiswtomlinson.tumblr.com)

 

 

Harry's always had a really great ability to tell if Louis was happy or sad. If he was sad, or angry or anything unhappy, he'd put the sugar in his tea before the milk and then leave some left in the bottom. He'd turn on the electric blanket hours before they went to bed. He'd trace his own tattoos, like he was regretting them, instead of Harry's like he loved them. And his lips would always be chapped, peeling and dry against Harry's own, split at the corners.

And he'd sit, and he'd wear socks with cartoon pizzas on them because they were his 'happy socks', and he'd drink five cups of tea a day, prepared in the wrong way, and he'd stare out the window or at the TV or at a book and never turn a page or change the channel or move his eyes.

And sometimes he has panic attacks and hyperventilates and he won't ever tell Harry why. Harry has to stop him from breathing to get him to go back to normal, and it's horrible, covering his mouth and nose until his chest stops heaving and the panic in his eyes is traded for one of docility, and Harry can remove his hand. Louis will take one heaving breath and hold it, like he's swirling the air around in his lungs and getting a taste for it again, before finally exhaling and curling into Harry's side and crying.

Harry hates when Louis cries, hates it more than anything, and he wonders if this is how the earth feels about the sky when it rains.

And they're becoming more and more frequent- once a month to once every two weeks and then every week and then they're happening ever other _day_ , in the middle of interviews- right before he's about to fall asleep at night, toes clenching and unclenching and ragged breaths being ripped from his chest- in the shower and Harry hears a thud and has to help him, clothes ending up soaked and Lou will have to redo his hair- 

And the tour's coming up.

It happens once in LA, Harry's handling some raw chicken for their dinner and Louis is wearing his pizza socks and scrolling through Twitter, given up on attempting to help Harry with the cooking after he forgot to put water in the pot to boil. Harry hears his breaths turn ragged and broken sobs ripping from his lips and he panics- his hands are covered in chicken grease so the only other option he can think of is kissing him.

Louis stops immediately, Harry can feel his pulse in his lips and it begins to slow instantly. He stays there for a minute, until he can't feel Louis' pulse anymore, and he assumes it's back to normal. He pulls away.

“Okay?”

“Yeah.” Louis says, “That worked better than just your hand.” His adam's apple bobs in his throat and he sniffles.

“Hey, c'mere.” Harry says, and wraps him in a hug as best he can without using his hands.

“I just want this to stop.” Louis cries into his neck, voice coming out broken and shuddered. Harry can't stand it, wants to kill whatever it is that is making his boy so sad. “I just want it to stop.” He says again, quieter, and Harry gets the impression he's not just talking about the panic attacks and apparently unrelenting sadness.

“I love you so much, Lou, so, so much.” Harry says, his voice muffled by Louis' hair. Louis just kisses his neck with trembling lips as a response, but Harry gets the meaning.

And then a couple days later they're still in bed and Harry got up and made tea, and Louis' pizza socks are poking out of the end of the comforter and they're watching the Japan interview with the girl from that Japanese group, because sometimes they like to watch them and see what was cut out. They get to 6:04 when it happens, and Louis has his hand over his mouth to stop his own breathing. He manages to make it look like he's just being a goof, but.

“Do you think they noticed?” Louis asks sadly, leaning his head against Harry's shoulder.

“Not much gets past them, love, but I think it'll be alright.”

Louis doesn't respond, just tucks himself in closer to Harry and breathes slowly, evenly.

~

 

He has a lot of good days, after that for some reason, hasn't had a panic attack for two months and he's only worn the pizza socks and made his tea backward four times, and if he started to breathe heavily he'd immediately stopped.

And he's never had one in front of the rest of the boys, but they're asking about Eleanor and maybe it's his and Harry's fault for not telling the boys- it really is horrible of them but Louis' just so scared to be out in this world where people would _hate_ him for his nature, his innate personality. He can feel it building up in his chest, in his veins, fire burning in his belly and smoke clogging his blood and flooding his lungs. 

He can vaguely hear his name from all of them, and can feel Harry's hand over his mouth but it's not going away, his chest is getting tighter- so tight- it's so hard to breathe and he can't see-

And then Harry fits his mouth over Louis' and it's all gone. Because he's all that really matters; Harry. Harry and his pretty bottomless eyes and his deep voice that could find Louis in the darkest of times and his lips that can pull Louis from what feels like the deepest pits of Hades.

So Louis kisses back, because he's mostly coherent again, and he starts to lick into Harry's mouth, looking for that last little piece of calm and contentment. Harry pulls away though, and gestures to his eyes to where Liam and Zayn are gaping, Niall's looking at Liam and muttering, “Mate, don't tell me you didn't know.”

So then Louis realizes he's basically just come out to Liam and Zayn and Niall and he almost spirals back into it, but Harry squeezes his thigh and- it's okay. They love him.

And then the tour starts and he hasn't had any on stage yet, thank god, but there's been plenty back stage and now the whole _crew_ knows about them. And covering his mouth doesn't work anymore, Harry has to kiss him. 

Louis wants it all to stop so badly, so much his entire body shuts down, or goes into overdrive. It feels like a combination of the two, really. He wants to stop this Eleanor thing and he wants Harry to stop the Kendall thing and he wants to stop the One Direction thing and live his life in peace but he wants to stop thinking about stopping the One Direction thing because he loves this so much and he wants to stop the Harry thing and just be fucking straight and make his life so much easier and he wants to stop the homophobia thing and be able to come out without fear and he wants to stop the panic attack thing that's happening right _now_ in the middle of Something Great which isn't fucking helping because Harry wrote this song for him and Louis cried and panicked after recording his fucking solo and he can't _breathe_ and all of a sudden he's on the floor and his lungs are so tight and small and the air is as thin as it is where the planes flight and he wishes he were a plane or a bird and fly far far away to some other planet where anxiety attacks and homophobia and people don't exist but it's just stock full of oxygen and then-

And then Harry's kissing him

Right there on stage while Niall and Liam and Zayn sing- _I want you here with me, like how I pictured it,_ _is it too much to ask for something great?_

They pull apart just in time, and Louis raises the trembling microphone to his lips.

_You're all I want, so much it's hurting._

**Author's Note:**

> i know he didnt really have a panic attack in the japan interview it was just like a thing i decided to do u feel  
> thank you for reading!!!  
> [tumblr](http://spankingkink.tumblr.com) and my twitter is @sophekink_ if u want to talk to me!! i much prefer tumblr tho!


End file.
